Allowing Recovery from Paruresis

No one really understands what it is like to have paruresis. I wonder if one day I will forget and read over this wonder how anyone could be so insane. I have been trying many different drugs in my treatment lately. Mostly anxiety medications as well as one that causes urinary retention so at least I would be able to go out for longer without having to worry about my paruresis. Unfortunately, it was a bit too much and i got rather dehydrated. Overall it has been the most effective treatment I have tried so far. Not that it helped the paruresis but that not worrying about it constantly like I usually do seems to have me in higher spirits. They say a clear mind and staying calm is the best thing and so far I would have to agree. I am still in quite a bind as far as working goes. I do not relish the idea of telling a perspective employer that I am so insane that if I tell them why I cannot work long shifts they will not believe me anyway. Sadly, it is the truth. I have made some progress through cognitive behavioral therapy but every time I think I am finally getting over it I seem to regress. Perhaps it is best to give these things ample time, but patience is not one of my strong traits. Worrying about whether I am making progress or getting worse has become every bit as obsessive a train of thought as the fear of being in pain because I can not go is. It almost seems as though I need something to worry about. Naturally my psychiatrist had a field day with that one. As for me I think I stopped caring after about 3 months of really trying to get better. I always assumed in my cynical nature that I would fail to get over my paruresis and commit suicide as a result. Quite to the contrary, I no longer seem to care what happens to me. Must be the pills. I suppose I should note that my cynical nature is probably why I have not made more progress than I currently have. I feel like I am doing much better now regardless. Paruresis and similar phobias are extremely difficult to make a full recovery from so I have decided, above all that I will allow myself the rest of my life if that is what it takes.